Created Sunday 25 April 2021
FIXME: add content properly I recently was reading about the Zionist settlements in Palestine. I am all for people moving to wherever they like. But what about a the nation recieving these people? Does it have a say.
I seem to have a bias:
- Americans should allow immigrants
- Israeli forced settlements is wrong.
- Maharashtra right-wing parties should allow immigrants, is this acceptable.
I don't know how to decide?
Should i skip this topic?
Why do I want to do this:
- I sense a lot of disorientation
- I sense a lost sense of self-development which has been going on since Jan 2021.
- I am making the same mistake as 2014 watching the first stupid video.
Why should I continue:
- I want to understand stuff
- A lack of understanding is fuel for bigots/politicians and hype.
- I don't want to have a broken world view.
What should I do. It must satify the following conditions:
- It must retain my happiness and relevance.
- I should retain a sense of observation and exploration.
- I should not deviate to sides.
- I must be happy.
- I should prefer personal ambitions as top priority
- I shouldn't be distracted.
- QnA should be valid for me - I should remain honest and committed to my values.
Please think about this.
- A sense of discomfort was experienced, which made me sad, angry, irritable.
- It was a feeling that I am in danger due to my name, identity.
- This can cause a lot of time-wastage, disorientation, worst case desensitization.
- I know I have to learn to protect myself - but I'm afraid I may deviate from my goals. And also lose my happiness in the process.
- Fortunately, there are many instances of people enduring such times, with their intellect and sense of self-intact:
- Albert Einstein - near death
- Alan Turing - suicide
- Richard Feynman - fraternity discrimination
- Kurt Goedel - career roadblocks
- Japansese people in 1942-1945
- Edward Snowden - criminalized by his own country
- Rana El Kaliouby - 9/11 and her courage to still go to the UK
- Mohammad Atalla - name change required. Check if is consensual - doesn't seem to be.
- https://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-need-new-name-to-hide-muslim-identity-ias-officer-from-madhya-pradesh-fears-mob-lynching-2769407
- https://www.india.com/news/india/upsc-2015-results-this-muslim-boy-changed-his-name-to-a-hindu-surname-to-crack-ias-exam-1177086/#:~:text=Viral%20Business%20Education-,UPSC%202015%20Results%3A%20This%20Muslim%20boy%20changed%20his%20name%20to,discrimination%20while%20studying%20in%20Pune.
- What these people have in common:
- All are leaders/high achievers in their fields
- Some of them were defiant, others hid. I don't want to judge their actions.
- All of them retained a sense of happiness
- All them retained a sense of awe and curiosity for their field
- Other data - Many non-persecuted people also take a toll for this. They don't seem to get finicky. It doesn't mean I have to be like them. Nothing negative.
- Fortunately - I got rid of God and religion, before this thought occurred. No stupid explanations.
- Problems for me:
- Hiding is unnatural for me. It takes a heavy toll on my functioning, to be honest it took a heavy toll on them all.
- I fear that I may be desensitized
- My father did very stupid things due to these things
- I can become cynical and not take care of myself due to such things
- It gets too demotivating for me
Can I do this - I don't think so.
- Know this Sanjar - you are not weak or oversensitive. It is a real problem or you are being dreaming.
- Ignorance/Avoidance - Is this the best way?
- What to do - just maintain your level of happiness and rigor. Don't believe that the world is bad, it is not.
Do I have a choice - I don't know. Am I just being stupid - I hope I am.
This may help: https://ideas.ted.com/why-the-right-kind-of-ignorance-strategic-ignorance-can-be-a-good-thing/
I've thought hard about what I would be losing:
- My mind - i would not longer have the amazing questions
- Loss of humor and fun - too much concentration on studies(due to danger) impacts social life.
- Judgemental - I will waste time in judging what effects me.
- Loss of sense of self and self-esteem.
- No meaningful relationships formed.
- Stubborness - my stubborness to not conform, and undertsand things from my way will be sabotaged. Although unconnected, this loss of stubborness translates to loss of interest in studies. Also I'll not have many itches, which will affect my career as a software dev. Important. I would have learn very fast if I was more open and easy going with studies and people. Coding was easy, I thought it was hard and no-one would help.
- Authenticity - I'd hidden in my youth, and has made me emotionally less mature.
- Exploration - I would not be testing my limits with exploration
- Belongingness - I would not feel belongingness. I hate to experience the same with VJTI, SOS, Nagpur.
- Never find my tribe - I'll never find my tribe, because I'll be hiding
- Make me irritable - I'll be irritated and my behavior will go awry
- I'll have to accept obscurity - I'll have to accept obscurity in my values, which just doesn't work. I'm not being ideal, but being obscure makes us do bad things.
Note: Arab uncle's suggestion seemed very disturbing, and it is. Even their children reject it, because it just doesn't work. Survival alone neither propagates survival but harms existing lives too. It is a poverty-like attitude. I have heard that many of my ancestors(Indian Muslims) compromised with their sense of identity and self-esteem. This can be seen even now, in their kids. It is so unfortunate that my ancestors, did not have a time limit for the compromise, it has now been ingrained. This is a one-way ticket to destruction. Note2: Changing a name may be somewhat OK, since thoughts can still be shared. It will atleast not rob the person of their values, nor make it compulsory for them to restructure it. Obviously changing a name takes immense toll after a while.
FIXME: Decide that living a small but 100% life is better than living a crappy life for a long time. This is what Rana did.
- Snowden: Freedom is non-negotiable, even for safety and ease. Freedom Non-negotiable(10 sec), You have to choose(50 sec), Persistence