diff --git a/code/__HELPERS/unsorted.dm b/code/__HELPERS/unsorted.dm
index b826bfed2064..d9e07770aa01 100644
--- a/code/__HELPERS/unsorted.dm
+++ b/code/__HELPERS/unsorted.dm
@@ -1856,9 +1856,6 @@ GLOBAL_DATUM_INIT(dview_mob, /mob/dview, new)
 			continue
 		. += A
 
-/proc/pass()
-	return
-
 /atom/proc/Shake(pixelshiftx = 15, pixelshifty = 15, duration = 250)
 	var/initialpixelx = pixel_x
 	var/initialpixely = pixel_y
diff --git a/code/controllers/subsystem/non_firing/SSatoms.dm b/code/controllers/subsystem/non_firing/SSatoms.dm
index 038f417c9b0c..fb5419680375 100644
--- a/code/controllers/subsystem/non_firing/SSatoms.dm
+++ b/code/controllers/subsystem/non_firing/SSatoms.dm
@@ -49,7 +49,6 @@ SUBSYSTEM_DEF(atoms)
 		log_startup_progress("Initialized [count] atoms in [stop_watch(watch)]s")
 	else
 		log_debug("	Initialized [count] atoms in [stop_watch(watch)]s")
-	pass(count)
 
 	initialized = INITIALIZATION_INNEW_REGULAR
 
diff --git a/code/modules/maze_generation/maze_generator.dm b/code/modules/maze_generation/maze_generator.dm
index 7891393482f9..234cce94a8fc 100644
--- a/code/modules/maze_generation/maze_generator.dm
+++ b/code/modules/maze_generation/maze_generator.dm
@@ -162,7 +162,6 @@
 		// Gather the windows. If a spot has 3 windows on it, its a dead end
 		var/windowcount = 0
 		for(var/obj/structure/window/reinforced/mazeglass/W in T)
-			pass(W) // Stops DM whining about unused vars
 			windowcount++
 			CHECK_TICK
 
diff --git a/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm b/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
index fb0f6b049105..e61b11b16be7 100644
--- a/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
+++ b/code/modules/mob/mob_misc_procs.dm
@@ -265,24 +265,30 @@
 	phrase = html_decode(phrase)
 	var/leng = length_char(phrase)
 	var/counter = length_char(phrase)
-	var/newphrase = ""
-	var/newletter = ""
+	var/list/newphrase = list()
+	var/newletter
 	while(counter >= 1)
-		newletter=copytext_char(phrase, (leng - counter) + 1, (leng - counter) + 2)
-		if(rand(1,3)==3)
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="o")	newletter="u"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="s")	newletter="ch"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="a")	newletter="ah"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="c")	newletter="k"
-		switch(rand(1,15))
-			if(1,3,5,8)	newletter="[lowertext(newletter)]"
-			if(2,4,6,15)	newletter="[uppertext(newletter)]"
-			if(7)	newletter+=pick(slurletters)
+		newletter = copytext_char(phrase, (leng - counter) + 1, (leng - counter) + 2)
+		if(prob(33.33))
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "o")
+				newletter = "u"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "s")
+				newletter = "ch"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "a")
+				newletter = "ah"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "c")
+				newletter = "k"
+		if(prob(60))
+			if(prob(11.11))
+				newletter += pick(slurletters)
 			else
-				pass()
-		newphrase+="[newletter]"
-		counter-=1
-	return newphrase
+				if(prob(50))
+					newletter = lowertext(newletter)
+				else
+					newletter = uppertext(newletter)
+		newphrase += newletter
+		counter -= 1
+	return newphrase.Join("")
 
 /proc/stutter(phrase, stamina_loss = 0, robotic = FALSE)
 	phrase = html_decode(phrase)
@@ -676,49 +682,42 @@
 
 		rename_character(oldname, newname)
 
-/proc/cultslur(n) // Inflicted on victims of a stun talisman
-	var/phrase = html_decode(n)
+/proc/cultslur(phrase)
+	phrase = html_decode(phrase)
 	var/leng = length_char(phrase)
 	var/counter = length_char(phrase)
-	var/newphrase=""
-	var/newletter=""
-	while(counter>=1)
-		newletter=copytext_char(phrase, (leng - counter) + 1, (leng - counter) + 2)
-		if(rand(1,2)==2)
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="o")
-				newletter="u"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="t")
-				newletter="ch"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="a")
-				newletter="ah"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="u")
-				newletter="oo"
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="c")
-				newletter=" NAR "
-			if(lowertext(newletter)=="s")
-				newletter=" SIE "
-		if(rand(1,4)==4)
-			if(newletter==" ")
-				newletter=" no hope... "
-			if(newletter=="H")
-				newletter=" IT COMES... "
-
-		switch(rand(1,15))
-			if(1)
-				newletter="'"
-			if(2)
-				newletter+="agn"
-			if(3)
-				newletter="fth"
-			if(4)
-				newletter="nglu"
-			if(5)
-				newletter="glor"
+	var/list/newphrase = list()
+	var/newletter
+	while(counter >= 1)
+		newletter = copytext_char(phrase, (leng - counter) + 1, (leng - counter) + 2)
+		if(prob(50))
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "o")
+				newletter = "u"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "t")
+				newletter = "ch"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "a")
+				newletter = "ah"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "u")
+				newletter = "oo"
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "c")
+				newletter = " NAR "
+			if(lowertext(newletter) == "s")
+				newletter = " SIE "
+		if(prob(25))
+			if(newletter == " ")
+				newletter = " no hope... "
+			if(newletter == "H")
+				newletter = " IT COMES... "
+
+		if(prob(33.33))
+			if(prob(20))
+				newletter += "agn"
 			else
-				pass()
+				newletter = pick("'", "fth", "nglu", "glor")
 
-		newphrase+="[newletter]";counter-=1
-	return newphrase
+		newphrase += newletter
+		counter -= 1
+	return newphrase.Join("")
 
 // Why does this exist?
 /mob/proc/get_preference(toggleflag)
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol.dm
index af10f6ee3f92..d661a9fad43f 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/alcohol.dm
@@ -1504,14 +1504,11 @@
 /datum/reagent/consumable/ethanol/fernet/on_mob_life(mob/living/M)
 	var/update_flags = STATUS_UPDATE_NONE
 	if(!M.nutrition)
-		switch(rand(1, 3))
-			if(1)
-				to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>You feel hungry...</span>")
-			if(2)
-				update_flags |= M.adjustToxLoss(1, FALSE)
-				to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>Your stomach grumbles painfully!</span>")
-			else
-				pass()
+		if(prob(66.66))
+			to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>You feel hungry...</span>")
+		else if(prob(50))
+			update_flags |= M.adjustToxLoss(1, FALSE)
+			to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>Your stomach grumbles painfully!</span>")
 	else
 		if(prob(60))
 			M.adjust_nutrition(-remove_nutrition)
diff --git a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/toxins.dm b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/toxins.dm
index 4ea9e6c141e6..7dd272207e8b 100644
--- a/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/toxins.dm
+++ b/code/modules/reagents/chemistry/reagents/toxins.dm
@@ -924,14 +924,11 @@
 /datum/reagent/lipolicide/on_mob_life(mob/living/M)
 	var/update_flags = STATUS_UPDATE_NONE
 	if(!M.nutrition)
-		switch(rand(1,3))
-			if(1)
-				to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>You feel hungry...</span>")
-			if(2)
-				update_flags |= M.adjustToxLoss(1, FALSE)
-				to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>Your stomach grumbles painfully!</span>")
-			else
-				pass()
+		if(prob(66.66))
+			to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>You feel hungry...</span>")
+		else if(prob(50))
+			update_flags |= M.adjustToxLoss(1, FALSE)
+			to_chat(M, "<span class='warning'>Your stomach grumbles painfully!</span>")
 	else
 		if(prob(60))
 			var/fat_to_burn = max(round(M.nutrition / 100, 1), 5)
diff --git a/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm b/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
index 039cef35d987..f3998d40a854 100644
--- a/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
+++ b/code/modules/shuttle/emergency.dm
@@ -516,17 +516,6 @@
 
 				mode = SHUTTLE_ENDGAME
 				timer = 0
-				open_dock()
-
-/obj/docking_port/mobile/emergency/proc/open_dock()
-	pass()
-/*
-	for(var/obj/machinery/door/poddoor/shuttledock/D in airlocks)
-		var/turf/T = get_step(D, D.checkdir)
-		if(!istype(T,/turf/space))
-			spawn(0)
-				D.open()
-*/ //Leaving this here incase someone decides to port -tg-'s escape shuttle stuff:
 
 /obj/docking_port/mobile/emergency/proc/random_docking_go()
 	var/cycles = 1000